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Member: TFC Explorers Society
Recipient: TFC Medal of Bravery
Created 2x
Race Human
Classes Mage
Followed Unaligned
Areas Written The Mystic Woods
Camp Tolanrael
Cyrenian Gardens

(Upon seeing this card at its original creation date, Khore noted that the flaming figure looked unpleasantly like him.)

Mud Contributions:

  • Kaern was a creative area writer, and his zone The Mystic Woods provided many challenges for those who enjoy puzzles. He also contributed complete rewrites to the newbie areas, including Camp Tolanrael, the Coliseum. He was also the author of the Cyrenian Gardens
  • Kaern's primary contribution was an attitude of adventure and curiosity. An avid explorer and code-tester, he was specifically mentioned in the Version 3 Launch Thank You Notes.
  • Kaern was a member of the TFC Explorer's Society.
  • Kaern was a recipient of the TFC Medal of Bravery, which was "given out if a member (of the Explorer's Society) truly distinguishes themselves by heroic deeds efforts above and beyond the call of duty."
  • Kaern was the founder of IPS.
  • It is generally believed that Kaern is responsible for more TYPO posts than any other mortal.

[Idea 179] Kaern: flying message

Sun Nov 15 13:23:52 1998
To: all
Flying is an exhilarating sport, soaring majestically through the air
an incredible experience...even when it's casted and you're indoors!
The bland message "Kaern now can fly" (eww!) should be changed to
something more interesting like "Kaern bumps his head trying to fly
in here!" or whatever...

Mud Mentions:

Amongst the Seals and Walruses
[Exits: east south west (up)]
A sign is stuck in the sand.
A walrus lies on the warm sand.
A seal lies on the warm sand.
A seal lies on the warm sand.
A seal lies on the warm sand.

% l sign
|         Kaern's Beach       |
|                             |
|  Don't feed the walrus and  |
| seals! They are fat enough! |
  ##                       ##
  ##                       ##
  ##                       ##

Current Description: March 21, 2002

--- Welcome to the offices of DTU. ---

You are invited to sign up for our world-renowned Dragon Tours...
---> Some of the newest features we provide:

  • Daily trips, as opposed to weekly ones, since our services have become
  • extremely popular.
  • Our spotlight of the month! The Dragon Turtle is making a special debut near
  • the isle--all are encouraged to grab this opportunity of a lifetime.
  • And our new rates, of course, are guaranteed to beat the competition...

IN FACT: If you find cheaper rates elsewhere, we will match their price OR
give you a full refund if you discover their price within thirty days of
purchasing our ticket, as long as you have their receipt, our receipt, and
show up at your local DTU coordinator's office between the hours of 4-5am.

Courtesy of Dragon Tours Unlimited, paid ad sponsored by the IPS organization. ** All Rights Reserved **
Kaern shows little sign of injury.

Kaern is using: <used as light> (Glowing) a black torch
<worn on finger> (Weak magic) the fiery silver ring
<worn on finger> (Weak magic) the odd sapphire ring
<worn around neck> (Artifact magic) a Major Amulet of Blocking
<worn around neck> (Artifact magic) a Major Amulet of Health
<worn on body> (Weak magic) a studded leather shirt
<worn on head> (Moderate magic) a leather cap
<worn on legs> (Red Aura) (Weak magic) (Glowing) some boar hide pants
<worn on feet> (Weak magic) some dragon wing slippers
<worn on hands> (Moderate magic) a pair of animal hide gloves
<worn on arms> (Moderate magic) the Seal of the Triat
<worn about body> (Weak magic) a heavy cloth mantle
<worn about waist> (Red Aura) (Weak magic) a broad dragonskin girdle
<worn around wrist> (Moderate magic) a reinforced leather bracer
<worn around wrist> (Weak magic) a leather bracer
<wielded> (Artifact magic) an oaken staff
<wielded off-hand> a black sword
<worn with pride> (Blue Aura) (Weak magic) (Glowing) a couatl feather
<worn with pride> (Blue Aura) (Weak magic) (Glowing) a couatl feather

WHO Lists:

Hum [ Ra: 7 Ma:30       ] Kaern is on an intergalactic cruise- IPS|DTU|Pd.            (February 25, 1996)
Hum [ Ra:13 Ma:30. .. . ] Kaern, master of the IPS, founder of DTU. -=Pd=-            (April 16, 1996)
Hum [ Ra:28 Ma:28       ] Kaern, DTU'red from PduDLe but not quite IPS'd yet          (Date Unknown)
Hum [ Ra:30 Ma:30       ] Kaern: guide@death.dragonturtle.tours.org- Pd./IPS          (Date Unknown)
Hum [ Ra:30 Ma:30. .. . ] Kaern: PduDLe is semi-IPS'eD off aT the clUeless|0          (August 6, 1997)
Hum [. . Ra:30 Ma:30. . ] Kaern, iPsDtUDLE'r and noodle-jester black belt             (July 7, 1999)
Hum [    Ra:30 Ma:30    ] Kaern floats on a cloud of bananas  -+-iPsdtudle-->*        (May 22, 2002)
Hum [    Ra:30 Ma:30    ] Kaern has gone plum nutty!        -+-iPsdtudle-->           (August 30, 2002) 
Hum [    Ra:30 Ma:30    ] Kaern and the purple squid hat.     -+-iPsdtudle-->         (March 30, 2003)
Hum [ Tg:14 Ra:30 Ma:30 ] Kaern whop                          -+-iPsdtudle-->*        (Sep 6 2008: 4x Go Live)
Hum [ Ra:30 Tg:30 Ma:30 ] Kaern, noodle jester extraordinaire  =-iPsdtudle->          (March 15, 2014: 20th Anniversary party)

Character History:


  • Kaern was one of the founders of IPS.
  • Kaern was the Chief Instigator of DTU - Dragon Tours Unlimited. (See desc above)
  • Kaern assisted Cordir with one of the elements of her quest for permission to marry Deamhan An-Shalach - the killing of the Three Brothers.
  • Kaern is mentioned in the 2000a BlissPoll, receiving votes for Most Enigmatic Mortal and Friendliest Mortal.
  • Kaern is mentioned in the Bliss Poll 2002 II, receiving votes for Most Honorable, Most Generous, Funniest, and All Time Funniest.
  • Kaern received votes in the BlissPoll 2011A, for 'Most Well-Traveled.'
  • Kaern was present at the wedding of Katrana and Solaron, and at the afterparty, paid Solaron for a stripping routine.
  • Kaern was specifically mentioned in Madman's retirement note.
  • Kaern was the subject of a series of poems by Khore, including The Unlikely Apprentice.

Score 12/05/99

You are Kaern, iPsDtUDLE'r and noodle-jester black belt,
2000 years old (3976 hours), created Mon Oct 27 97 08:40:27.
(Ivyn the 29th, Reconciliation, year 2255, 10pm.)
You were born before birth records were actually kept.
You live in Midgaard and your race is Human.
You are a level 30 Ranger, level 30 Mage.
You have 396/396 hit, 239/247 mana, 423/423 movement, 77 practices.
You have 0 training sessions remaining.
You are carrying 37/39 items with weight 313/650 kg.
Str: MAX   Int: MAX   Wis: MAX   Dex: MAX   Con: MAX   Chr: TRN
TRN = trainable, MAX = untrainable.
You are very lucky!
You have scored 559927 exp (1560256 total), and have 1411788 gold coins.
You are at the top of the food chain in this class.
Autoexit: yes.  Autogold: yes.  Autoloot: no.  Autosac: no.
Wimpy set to 99 hit points.
You are standing.
You are barely armored.
You are unaligned.
The linkdead combat command is set to:
<c wi couatl>.
You are affected by:
Spell: 'strength'.
Spell: 'stone skin'.
Spell: 'invis'.
Spell: 'shield'.
Spell: 'detect magic'.
Spell: 'detect invis'.

Player Provided Information

Wiki References:

Personal Timeline:

Note: For someone as accomplished and omnipresent as Kaern was, he rarely reported news to the time line. Many of his accomplishments can be noted in the Room of Records, however.

March 24, 1996: Kaern reaches 500 years of age.

December 4, 1999: Kaern reaches 1999 years of age (3,974 hours). This same day, he participates in Madman's Auction and purchases Leather sleeves, ac 4, -4 svs +3 dam, for 400k.

February 07, 2000: Kaern is pkd by Redrum and Borneo. This causes quite a stir as it was clear through info that Kaern was linkdead prior to the attack. Even Molo expresses disappointment in the two Conclave killers, but not to the extent that the corpse is ever returned.

December 29, 2001: Kaern is attacked by a Thorny Tendril for no apparent reason.

January 15, 2002: Kaern is ranked #12 on the MobMastery Ranks.

March 30, 2002: In a underhanded attempt to further Lanfear's ongoing punishment (She is forbidden to leave the guild), Lins and Kaern portal her out of the guild. Kaern later profusely apologizes, while Lins reports Lanfear for leaving the Guild to Cordir, without providing the slight detail that he was the cause and means.

September 26 2002: Kaern is ranked #11 for MobMastery Ranks and #6 for MobHunt Ranks.

February 09, 2003 - Kaern gossips (in common), '*Discovery channel voice-over* this is the mutant cannibal in his philosophical mood'.

February 20, 2003 - Kaern dies to the balrog, after being lured to a place he can't escape from by Sako. Kaern gossips (in common), 'don't make me assault you with frogs'.

May 17, 2003 - Abe gossips (in common), 'Kaern is Gaelic for: 'He who takes you places and gets you killed.. Kaern gossips (in common), 'abe is gaelic for 'he who did not learn gaelic until it was too late.

March 15, 2014 - Kaern visits the 20th Anniversary Party. He's given a quick tour of Riverhold, and is heard to say... Kaern gossips (in common), 'I discovered today that I can pass for a root vegetable'.


Thargor gossips (in common), 'what does iPsdtudle mean? (keep thinking of its a pustule)'.
Kaern gossips (in common), 'ipsdtudle is a lot of things'.
Wylin gossips (in common), 'it got hard to think of new things to put iPs is '.
Kaern gossips (in common), 'first, it's IPS'.
Kaern gossips (in common), 'and it's also DTU'.
Kaern gossips (in common), 'and if you take Pdudle out'.
Kaern gossips (in common), 'you get IST'.
Kaern gossips (in common), 'I hope that clears things up :>'.

Player Information